Among the Strong
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marysuevirusTitle: Among the Strong
Chapter Twenty Eight: Honesty
Fandom: the Marvel universe
Rating: 18 and up
Warnings: graphic violence, language, sex, dark themes, anything else i can toss in.
Disclaimer: the recognizable characters and places contained herein are the property of Marvel. i'm merely borrowing for the sake of entertainment. no money is being made from this venture. Haley belongs todazzledfirestar Morgan belongs toginevra Roxxy belongs tonanaeanaven Jehnna belongs to silverfox_chan and Dare belongs to me. the concept and title of The Mary Sue Virus are used with permission from dazzledfirestar .
Author's Notes: this is almost entirely Daz's fault. okay. so it really isn't. its actually almost 100% my fault. Daz just did a whole lot of encouraging. this fic is going to be kind of dark, so please keep that in mind while reading.
Among the Strong - the index
The knock on the door came precisely at two. Morgan was, and wasn't, surprised. It was the time she'd set. And Remy had never been known for being late to any kind of date. A ripple of uncertainty ran through her, leaving her to run a hand over her hair even though it was in a pony tail. It seemed to always be in her way if she left it down, so pony tails were the order of business until she had time to get it cut. Smoothing her hands down the thighs of her leggings, she took a breath and headed for the door.
Remy looked... uncertain when she swung the panel open for him. She thought that was understandable, given the way the week had been going. Making an effort to quell her own uncertainty, she stepped back from the door and held it wide for him. A hint of his normal smile touched his lips, then he crossed the threshold and waited only a few feet away while she closed the door and moved deeper into the living area.
They settled on the couch. Morgan took the corner, as had been her wont for as long as she could remember. Remy put a small, respectable distance between them. It looked as if it killed him to do so and she had to wonder just how bad things had been for him since coming back.
"You look good, petit." The softness of his voice, the sweet and gentle honesty in it, broke the uncomfortable silence between them. Morgan felt a faint touch of heat in her cheeks and the smile she gave him said far more than it needed to.
"Thanks, Rem," she said when she finally found her voice. She'd known that this conversation would be hard, but they hadn't even started it and she was already having difficulties. But it had to happen. So many things had changed and they needed to work out... whatever it was that was between them now before they could move forward. "And thank you for meeting with me. I know it seems out of the blue and all. But we need to talk."
"We do," he nodded in agreement.
She thought she heard something final in those two words. For a moment, fear took her as she imagined the conversation wandering into painful territory. Her heart ached at the idea that he might want to walk away from everything they'd built together over the past decade. Where would she be without Remy at her side? It already felt like she'd lost Dare and that was killing her. Losing Remy would be almost unbearable. Because, the truth was, she didn't know where anything stood with anyone at the moment.
"How you feel about Warren?" Remy asked, effectively throwing the heart of the matter out into the open.
When Morgan looked up at him, she could see that his face was a neutral mask. But that didn't hide the fear living behind it. That didn't keep her from seeing that he'd been just as worried about things as she was. It felt like the smile she gave him was bitter and maybe a little brittle. "I love him, Remy. And I'm so sorry. I didn't mean for it to happen."
"Dere no need to apologize, Morgan," he told her gently. Guilt painted every one of his words so thickly, it dripped from them. "It... " He shook his head and looked away, his gaze landing on a framed picture of the New York City skyline. It had seemed an odd choice, but Morgan found something comforting in the way it felt like looking out a window. "I owe you an apology, too."
Her heart siezed for a moment, but she pushed the panic down and reached out across the distance to put her hand on his. "You don't owe me anything, Remy. Especially not an apology. You couldn't control what happened anymore than I could."
His gaze came back to her face and she saw the conflict in his eyes. She understood what he felt he needed to apologize for. He felt he'd failed her a second time. He'd failed to protect her from the shit Sinister had done. And he'd failed to protect Dare from it. She shook her head. "Remy. There was nothing you could do for anyone that the horsemen took. You were a victim just like the rest of us."
For a moment, it looked as if he wanted to say something. But the moment passed and he offered a warm smile instead. "You comfortable here? You happy?"
Morgan considered her answer carefully. The questions seemed innocuous enough, but she could tell he was fishing. He was trying to figure out where they stood. She feared her answer wouldn't clear that up for him very much. "I am, Remy. Warren loves me. He loves Kayla. Its been... like a dream these past few days."
"I see," Remy said. Morgan couldn't feel anything coming off him and it worried her. He was usually so free with his emotions. The only time he'd ever pulled them inward was when he'd been in emotional turmoil. Which suggested her answer had hurt him more than he was willing to let on. She moved closer to him on the couch, lifting her hand from his so that she could bring it up to rest against his cheek.
"I am so sorry, Remy. I know you wish I could tell you that this was all an infatuation and that I wanted everything to go back to the way it had been. But I can't tell you its an infatuation. And I think you knew that before you walked through the door. I do want everything to go back to the way it was. But it can't. Because Warren and I have a baby and I have to take that into consideration, along with our feelings for one another. And you have a baby coming with Dare. You need to focus on that right now."
She saw some of the hope dim from his eyes. Her chest ached knowing she'd killed that hope. "So what about us? Dere still an us?" There was no inflection in his voice when he asked his questions. And hearing it made her want to cry.
"Remy. You silly, gorgeous, exasperating man. There is still an us and there always will be. We have children together. You've been an anchor in my life for so long now, I don't know if I could just let you walk away from me. No matter how I feel about Warren. You were the first man I fell in love with. The first one I trusted with my heart. That is never, ever going to change."
His smile returned, not quite as bright as it normally was. But it banished some of the sadness from his eyes. And she was glad to see it. "I love you, too, petit," he told her, his voice taking on some of the honeyed bourbon tones it normally held. It had been so long since she'd gotten to hear those words in that voice that she actually, physically shuddered just hearing it.
It was natural to lean into him, natural to exchange a kiss that was simple and sweet and chaste. But it was more. It was the heat that had always been between them. It was the promise he always managed to make when he kissed her. And it was a proclamation of his unending love for her. When the kiss ended, she found herself snuggled against his chest with his arms around her. "I missed this so much," she whispered. Some of the fear and sadness she'd felt all those months living under Sinister's thumb poured out in that short sentence. "I missed you. And every time Warren's touch brought sensation to life, there was a part of me that wanted to die because it felt like a betrayal to everything we've been."
"If you betray me, den I betray you," he said gently.
"Remy, honey," Morgan smiled up at him. "You couldn't have betrayed me. You were already in a relationship with Dare. And, if I'm being honest, I'm so glad he paired her off with you. If it had been anyone else... I don't know if she would have been okay."
"You don' understand, petit. I go an' fall in love wit' her." He sounded so mournful about it, she found herself holding back a grin. And then, when the look he gave her sank in, the need to grin fell away.
"But you've always loved her, Rem." It seemed stupid to point it out. But she had to. Because she had to believe it. To think anything else was asking for trouble.
"Oui. Just not de way she deserve," he replied. Morgan frowned and considered what he meant. But it was too much to think about and she didn't want to go down that rabbit hole. The past was done and gone and whatever he meant, that's where it belonged.
"Remy," Morgan sighed. She pulled back and put space between them. Much as she hated doing it, they needed the space if they were ever going to get through this conversation. "There is no one way to love someone. There's no way they deserve. There's just love. And there is so much love in you. So much. Its almost a living, breathing thing, that love of yours. And the need you have to give it is almost more than your desire to be loved. All that matters, and I do mean all, is that you love her. She deserves to be loved. That's all. Plain and simple. And you deserve to be loved, too."
For a moment, there was a potent silence between them. She wasn't sure what was going on in Remy's head, but she waited silently for him to say something. To do something. The moment passed and the smile he gave her this time was broad. Bright. Genuine. She watched as he sat back against the couch. His posture was loose and relaxed, letting her know she'd said the right thing to him.
She felt the tension slide out of her spine, letting her know she'd been more anxious about this meeting than she'd thought. She scooted back on the cushion until her back rested against the couch, then she turned slightly until she faced him. Her knees were bent so that the lower part of her legs rested on the cushion. His eyes were focused on her face, and she could see the warnth and the love in them.
"Dis a nice room," he commented, one hand motioning to the space around them.
"Thankt you," she replied. Her gaze slid around it, trying to see it the way he saw it. When she looked at him again, there might have been a touch of wistfulness in his eyes. She knew that Dare had holed up in Haley's old dorm room with the other woman, obviously intent on staying away from people. And it was obvious Remy wanted to move into that suite set up for them. Morgan wished she knew what kind of twisted shit was going through her best friend's head. Then again, she might know if she went and talked to her. She could admit that she'd kind of been avoiding doing that. She wasn't sure she was ready.
"Warren treat you good?" Remy asked softly, drawing her away from her thoughts. The look on his face suggested he'd done it on purpose. Probably she'd been wearing her thoughts on her face.
"He does. I had horrible muscle cramps through the whole pregnancy and Warren spent literal hours working them out," she told him. She took a moment to study his face, to let her mind wander down the link they shared, so that she could find out if their conversation bothered him or not. She found traces of what she thought were regret and jealousy. But they were small and not worth considering. For the most part, he seemed happy for her. "And, as I mentioned earlier, he dotes on both Kayla and I. He's a good father. He's a good man."
Remy took her words in, letting silence unspool between them. It made Morgan a little anxious because she didn't know how he was going to react. But she didn't push. There was a lot for all of them to work through. As much as she wanted to make this easier on him, she didn't want to lie because that would just make it worse. "He is a good man. And you lucky you end up paired wit' him."
There was honest sincerity in his voice and in his eyes when he spoke. Morgan felt that tension slide out of her again. Was it ever going to be easy to have a conversation with him again? Would there ever come a day when she wouldn't have to worry about what might upset him and she wouldn't have to police her words? Would things ever be close to the way they once had been?
"Dere no need to cry, petit," he said gently, one finger brushing her cheek in order to capture the tear that had escaped. The one she hadn't realized had fallen.
"You're a good man, too, Remy LeBeau," she whispered, her hand coming up to capture his. To hold it against her cheek so she could nuzzle into it. "I am so lucky to have gotten the opportunity to love you and I really, really hope you'll let me continue."
"Morgan." His voice made her name a caress. She pressed even closer to his hand. And then she was in his embrace, his arms holding her against his chest. "I'm lucky I get to love you an' I never gonna stop."
His words were a balm meant to soothe the roughened edges of her heart and her soul. She welcomed them, cherished them. Pressed against him as she was, she welcomed the warmth of his skin, the spicy scent of his cologne, and the aura of love that surrounded him. If only this could last forever...
"I don't know what the future holds. For either of us. Things have been twisted up so much that I don't know if we'll ever untangle them." Morgan pulled away and looked him in the eye. "But right now, I can't tell you if things between us will change any more than they have. I can't tell you what will happen with Warren. Because he has to talk to Jehnna and they need to figure things out between them. What I can tell you is we have kids together. We've built a life together that doesn't go away simply because Sinister tried to change the rules. I think the worst thing we can do is let the fucker win."
"You sayin' you still want dis old Cajun?" he asked, the humor she'd missed so much making a needed appearance. It felt like the sun had broken through the clouds to share its golden warmth with her.
"I will never stop wanting you, Remy," she confirmed. "However. You still have hurdles you have to get over."
"Dare," he responded. Her name came out on a sigh so full of confusion and concern that it banished the warmth brought to life by his teasing. Morgan nodded. She found herself reaching out through the link to see if she could sense something from her friend. Anything at all. But it was a dead end, a kind of dull buzz that said something waited on the other side. Something strong and intense. For a moment, Morgan wondered if she could break past the barrier. She even pushed on it with a mental finger to test its strength. Something pushed back. Hard. Something that felt very out of place. It almost left Morgan reeling.
"Yes. My stubborn idiot of a best friend who is doing her best to alienate everyone who cares about her," Morgan responded. There might have been more heat in her words than she'd intended because her statement made Remy smile. Just a little. "What do you want from her? From whatever the thing is between you two? And be honest with me. Please. I'm a big girl. I can take it." She tacked a smile on at the end to let him know she was okay with this.
Okay. So she was mostly okay with this.
To his credit, Remy didn't speak immediately. He took time to consider her question and how best to answer it. She waited patiently while he looked at it from every angle. She absolutely was not reluctant to hear his answer. Not in the slightest. And she was not, absolutely was not jealous of her best friend.
"I want her to let me back in. I want her to tell me what she got goin' on in dat head of hers," he started. Yeah. That was something Morgan definitely wanted. Probably Logan and Haley, too. But years of knowing the other woman suggested it would take an act of some god to get her to admit that much. "I want her to believe I love her,"
"She knows you love her," Morgan replied almost without thought.
"She know. But she don' believe me," he told her. Morgan puzzled over that. Briefly. Because Remy went on before she could dig too deeply into it. "I want her... I want her to understand that she not alone and we all love her. I want her to know she can rely on us. I just... want her."
The last of his statement came out on a whisper that held far more emotion than it had a right to. Morgan thought she understood. She had no doubt that Dare had done her level-best to protect herself while Sinister had held all of them. And the method she relied on most was to shut herself off from everyone. To shut down and let the expriences happen to her on the outside. It had been unhealthy when she'd been a scared teenager in a hotel room and it was unhealthy now, as an adult with loving family and friends around her.
"You love her that much?" Morgan asked gently.
"I do. An' I'm sorry `bout dat," he offered with a grimace. As if he'd done something wrong. Morgan reached out a hand and laid it on his arm.
"Remy. Sinister fucked with all of our minds. He locked us in a room with a single person. Its only logical that we would form strong emotional bonds with that person. Dare was your entire world for a year. You were hers. It would be worrying if there weren't strong emotional bonds present after that. Don't apologize to me for something that was very much out of your control and that is a very human reaction." She offered him a small smile. It held some humor and some worry. "Do you plan on leaving me for her?"
Christ, wasn't that a weird thing to say? Considering Morgan had been in a relationship with Dare longer than either of them had been in a relationship with the men in their lives. And she'd meant it to be a kind of joke. But she couldn't deny the fact that she'd had that worrying thought a time or two. Though how that worked when the three of them were in a relationship with Logan was beyond her.
"You know I don' leave you," he assured her. Hearing that left her feeling better.
"Then I don't know why you're apologizing for something that already was before any of this started," Morgan pointed out. "Or are you conveniently forgetting that the foursome has existed since almost the beginning."
"No," he replied. She saw something flit across his face, just a brief flash that came and went in the beat of her heart. Then he was looking at her and there was a touch of concern on his face. "We need to sit down and talk wit' Dare about de foursome. All of us. I get de impression she don' understand it fully."
Morgan frowned at that. "Are you sure? I thought she did. I could have sworn she knew that it meant she could go to you whenever she wanted."
"She come occasionally. But most of de time, she keep her distance," he admitted. There was a sense of disgust in his answer that made Morgan wonder just what had gone on between the two of them. When he looked at her, there was regret in his eyes. "An' I never de one to start an encounter."
"Remy..." That explained some of the issues he was having with Dare. If Remy hadn't initiated any of their encounters, Dare no doubt thought that meant he didn't really want her. Morgan frowned. She didn't recall Dare being this needy when they'd first met. It hadn't been until later, after she'd been on the streets, that it had seemed to be an issue. "I guess you're going to have to work hard from now on to convince her that you do want her."
"You t'ink she gon' talk to me long enough to do dat?" he asked. And it hurt to hear the sadness in his voice at that. It had to be killing him, not being with her when she was so close to giving birth. The birth of his daughter wasn't something he'd want to miss out on.
"I think you might need to tie her down and force her to talk to you," Morgan admitted. She knew it sounded extreme, but she also knew her best friend and couldn't think of any other method for him to try that would get him the results he so desperately wanted.
"Not so sure dat gon' work, petit," he admitted. "Last time I try to talk to her, she make it clear she want not'ing to do wit' me. She call me Gambit. She tell me she don' want me to call her pet names. She push me in de lake to make her point."
"Seriously?" Morgan asked, eyes wide with disbelief. That seemed so very much unlike Dare.
"Seriously," Remy confirmed with a nod. "She don' let me touch her at all. And dere dis wall. It keep me out an' it keep her in. I get not'ing from her. An' I used to get everyt'ing. I don't know which one is worse."
Morgan couldn't help but laugh at that. She totally understood. Being tied to the other woman had been a crash-course in learning how to shield herself from the worst of it. And there had been a lot of the worst of it. Dare's emotions had seemed to be on at all hours of the day. And things like anger and fear had always been stronger and more prevalent than the softer emotions. Things like love and friendship had been hard to find. Rare gems discovered in a mine overflowing with semi-precious stones. Morgan offered Remy a faint smile. "I'm the first one to admit that being around Dare can be a lot. I grew up with her memories in my head. And I know she has had issues since the beginning."
"Dat one hell of an understatement," Remy snorted in reply. Yeah. Morgan could admit that she'd put it pretty mildly.
"You're right. Of course. But I tihnk you're underestimating your importance to her. I mean, you gave her something I never could. She always felt like she didn't fit at the school and the only reason she ever stayed was because it was where I was. That night when you took her out to play pool, you gave her a kind of normalcy that she'd never had before. You made her think she had a place where she belonged. And I really think that was something she needed. And it meant more coming from you. She had such a crush on you back in those days and..."
"It no crush, Morgan," Remy interrupted. She blinked up at him. What was he saying? Of course it had been a crush. Sure, Dare had seemed really into Remy. And then she'd gone and done some weird shit and dropped Remy in favor of Logan. Morgan had always thought Dare had figured out that her feelings for Remy hadn't been as strong as they'd been for Logan. Because she'd settled in with him so easily. And it had been so good. What she'd felt for Remy had to have been a crush. Because if it hadn't, that meant Dare had walked away from Remy because... Surely Dare hadn't given Remy up because of Morgan?
"You have to be mistaken, Rem. Because, if you're not, that means Dare was in love with you when she walked away from the threesome that night." She turned eyes filled with confusion his way. He nodded at that. "But... I don't understand. Why?"
"She leave because she know you in love wit' me. And she don' stand in you way." He paused there, taking a moment to run his fingers through his hair. "She tell me, when we locked away, dat she don' deserve me. Dat I belong wit' you. Like she don' earn de right to be in a relationship wit' me. She tell me I'm bright and beautfiul and dat she used and tainted and she don' deserve to love me like she do."
Morgan stared at him. "That doesn't make any sense. I never... Her emotions didn't seem to run that deep. Why would she sabotage her own happiness?"
"Dat a good question, Morgan. Why she do it den? And why she do it now?"
Morgan shook her head. She sure as hell didn't know. Those were questions to which she had no answers. And if she didn't know something like this about the woman she called her best friend, what else didn't she know?
~*~
Jehnna was just wiping her sweaty palms on the leggings she wore when there was a knock at the door. Taking a breath, she spent a moment on ensuring her pony tail was neat, then she headed for the door to let Warren in. She knew it was Warren, because she'd asked him to come by for a talk. Sam had fully agreed that it was time for them to sit down and have a deep discussion about what it was they wanted from each other. To give them privacy, Sam had taken Talia out to visit with his team. Jehnna had no doubt that they'd return to the suite with a whole mess of gifts from Roberto, Dani, and the others.
The door opened to reveal a smiling, relaxed Warren. It looked as if he'd gotten his hair trimmed between now and when she'd seen him in the infirmary right after their return. His hair was still longer than she'd seen it and she had to admit, she kind of liked it. He wore a mint green polo and a pair of well-worn jeans that hugged his thighs. For a moment, her memory reminded her of how that particular pair of jeans clung to his ass. Then it went one step further and reminded her what he looked like out of them.
"Hi, Warren," she greeted. And hoped like hell he couldn't tell she was ogling him. "Come in."
"Thanks, Jehnna," he replied. He stepped through the door and past her, then waited for her to shut the panel behind him. When she moved deeper into the room, he followed after her. They gravitated toward the couch. Jehnna settled on one cushion, while Warren settled on the one beside her. It struck her that this was normal. This was how they'd always sat on the couch, with a comfortable distance between them.
Even now, with all that had happened, it felt... right.
"I want to thank you for coming. I know it seems like short notice," Jehnna began. She toyed idly with the edge of the t-shirt she wore, her fingers worrying the material while she struggled to find the right words.
"It wasn't a problem," Warren assured her. His tone was as serious as it ever got and it kind of sent a shiver of apprehension down Jehnna's spine. "I know you called me here because you felt we needed to talk. And you're right. We do. Its important. So let me start first and ask... How are you feeling, Jehnna?"
His question threw her for a loop. She hadn't really been expecting it. So it took her a moment to find her footing. And then she gave careful examination to his question because she knew he meant more than just the here and now. "I'm okay. I could be better. There's a whole lot of trauma in my head that I need to find a way to work through. And I just gave birth to a baby whose father is not my husband. So things are... weird. But I think, for the most part, I'm okay."
"Good," Warren smiled, and it was sunshine on a cloudy day. She loved his smile and allowed herself to bask in it for a moment. "I'm glad to hear that. Also, if you need help finding a therapist to speak with, I would be more than willing to do that."
"Really? You'd do that for me?" she asked. There must have been more surprise in her voice than she'd meant for there to be, because he gave her a look.
"Jehnna, honey. You've been with me for a decade. You know I'd do anything for you. The things that happened to us don't change that." He paused a moment as he studied her. The smile on his face maybe turned a little bitter. "I still love you, you know. I don't think I'll ever stop loving you. You are mother to my children. I will do anything I have to in order to ensure you're healthy and happy."
"Thank you, Warren," she responded. There might have been a touch of sorrow in her voice, but she did what she could to hide it behind a bright smile. How could he offer such things when she'd done the things she had? She didn't understand that.
"You're welcome," he replied. His gaze wandered over the room, taking in the furniture and the decorations, before it landed at last on the small cradle that rested on the floor near the couch. "How is Talia? I should have come and seen you before this, but I know that things were probably a little hectic right after she was born?"
"She's amazing. She's so quiet and sweet," Jehnna gushed. "Sam is wonderful with her. He's head over heels for her."
"As he should be," Warren responded. Jehnna recalled how goofy Warren had been when Alexia had been born. He'd been head over heels for her before she'd even opened her eyes the first time.
Jehnna took a moment to study Warren, to really look at him. He looked relaxed and at ease. Like he knew what he wanted in life and he knew how to get it. Then again, he'd always had that air to him. It was one of the things she loved so much about him. If this whole situation was eating at him, she couldn't tell. He didn't show even an ounce of it. "And you, Warren? How are you?"
He took the time to give his answer some thought. She waited silently for him to answer her and she couldn't help but wonder if he was searching for the answer he thought she wanted to hear or if he was going to be open and honest with her. She felt like he'd always been open and honest, but they'd never been in such a situation before. She couldn't shake the notion that he might tell a little white lie if he felt it would make things easier on her. And she wondered, for a moment, if maybe she wasn't a little sheltered to the way the world worked.
"I'm doing as well as can be expected. Like you, I could be better. There's trauma from our stay with Sinister. I think we all came away with some kind of trauma. But I also feel like what I experienced is on a different level than what you experienced. If things get to be too much for me, rest assured that I will see a therapist and talk it out."
Jehnna let go a breath she didn't know she'd been holding. "That's good. I'm glad. And I mean that, Warren. How are Morgan and Kayla? How is life with them going for you?"
"Kayla is small and tiny and sweet and perfect. Just like all of our children were when they were born." He grinned at that. She couldn't help but smile as the memories of the birth of each of their children came to her. Each and every time, Warren had gotten a little goofy. Each and every time, she'd fallen a little more in love with him. "How did Sam react when Talia came into the world?"
"The same. He got that goofy look and he just melted when I put her in his arms," Jehnna admitted. She'd thought it would hurt, admitting that Sam had done the same thing that Warren had done. And it did. Just a little. But mostly, there was a growing warmth in her heart. And she knew, more than ever, what it meant.
"So you're happy? With Talia and with Sam?" Warren asked gently.
"I am," she nodded. Her throat got a little tight. "I'm so sorry, Warren."
He offered her a smile and shook his head. "Don't be sorry, Jehnna. I don't want you to be sorry. I want you to be happy. If that isn't with me, then it isn't with me. I won't hold you back from anything you want. Ever.
She stared at him. How was he real? Not for the first time, she couldn't help but think that his alias was accurate in more ways than one. And she wondered how she'd gotten lucky enough to have him in her life.
Jehnna had no illusions about herself. She knew she was pretty but she'd never considered herself one of those unforgettable people. She was smart, but not genius levels of smart. She was mostly an average person. And she was okay with that. So it had seemed some kind of miracle that Warren had ever taken notice of her. It had been even more of a miracle that he'd fallen in love with her. Having his attention had made her feel special. Beautiful. Amazing.
She had no illusions as to who and what she was. She didn't make an immediate impact on people. Not like Haley, who was tall and stunning. Not like Roxxy, whose golden eyes and tanned skin brought every eye in the room her way. Even Morgan, who was petite and pert, drew attention toward her. Jehnna was just... Jehnna. So it had been kind of unreal that Warren had chosen to notice her. She'd been content to spend the rest of her life as his wife.
But now... Now there was Sam to consider. She'd gone and fallen in love with him. She'd had a child with him. She didn't understand it. There was a part of her that hated herself for her short-comings. And she had a hard time with the fact that Warren didn't seem to have a problem with it.
There was a lump in her throat when she brought her attention back to Warren. He was watching her intently, as if he could see her thoughts in her eyes. Maybe he could. Because the smile he offered her was slightly bittersweet. "So its Sam for you, huh?" he asked softly.
"I think so," she said slowly, turning the idea over in her head. Why did it seem so outrageous when he said it like that? Hadn't she already had that thought? Hadn't she been entertaining the very idea since she'd realized she was in love with Sam? Maybe she was upset. Shouldn't Warren have been trying hard to fight for their love? For their marriage? Because that was the thing they were really talking about, wasn't it? Their marriage and what happened to it. To them. "I feel awful, Warren. I made the oath to love and cherish you, `til death do we part. And I can't even do that right."
"Jehnna. Honey. You didn't stop loving me because of Sam. Your love shifted. That's all. And that's okay. It happens to married couples all the time. It happens to unmarried couples, too. You didn't fall out of love for me. If you had, this wouldn't be so hard for you." Warren reached out to take hold of her hands. He lifted them and pressed a kiss to them, one at a time. "I am always going to love you. I want you to know and to understand that. I'm never going to fall out of love with you. But sometimes, our needs change. Our hearts change. And there isn't anything wrong or bad about that. You are a wonderful wife. You're a beautiful woman. And you're an amazing mother. But that isn't all you are. You are a living, breathing human being. You have thoughts and feelings and needs. And if I can't be or aren't what you need anymore, I am not going to be an ogre and keep you tethered to my side out of misplaced pride or some kind of bullshit societal standing."
"Warren..."
"If you want to be with Sam, I'll step aside here and now. We can end our marriage without any fuss. You will always be a part of my life. You gave me four amazing children and you gave me your heart. There isn't anything more to be had between us. Will I be sad that things are ending and things are changing?" His hands let go of hers so that he could cup her cheeks in his hands. When he did so, she felt the wetness on them and realized with a start that she was crying. How had she not noticed? "Of course I will. Its going to hurt to end this amazing journey we've been on together. But it isn't the end of our story."
"I'm so confused, Warren. I don't want to let you go. But Sam makes me feel... " she trailed off and shook her head. "I don't know. What do you want?"
"I want you to be happy. Whatever that means for you," he said. He offered her a smile that didn't seem as bright as usual. "If that means Sam, then that means Sam. He obviously fills a need for you that I don't."
Jehnna put a hand on his cheek, eyes wide in alarm. "Don't say that! Don't ever say that!"
"Honey, you don't have to try and make me feel better. This whole mess has taught us things about ourselves. I know you're struggling to accept the fact that you can love two different men. I want to make that struggle easier," he offered. His gaze slid away a moment and she watched as he took a deep breath. When his blue eyes came back to her, she could see determination in them. He'd made a decision and he was going to share it with her. Jehnna sat back, settling her hands in her lap.
"Go on, Warren. Tell me what you want to say," she prodded gently.
"I love you, Jehnna. I will always love you. But Morgan has made me realize that I need things you can't give me. And I won't ever ask you to do things that you are uncomfortable with." His words gave her a moment of pause as she tried to decipher his meaning. But she was having a hard time following the thread of his thoughts.
"What can Morgan give you that I can't?" There was a catch in her voice that made him curse softly under his breath. He reached out and cupped her cheek, stroked his thumb across the upper curve gently.
"Polyamory," he said quietly.
Jehnna stared at him a moment before her eyes went wide. He was talking about having more partners. About sharing partners. About loving more than one person. Roxxy had told her that it was possible to love more than one person. Which was definitely a thing she hadn't known before this whole thing. But Jehnna wasn't sure she believed it. Or, rather, she wasn't sure if such a thing was something she could believe. That wasn't how she'd been brought up and it wasn't something she'd been taught was right. It had always been a couple. Just two people. Warren was right. That wasn't something she was capable of giving him.
She took a breath and swallowed hard before speaking. "And will that make you happy?" she asked quietly.
"I can't say for certain yet. I haven't had a chance to try. But I want to try. And I know that something like that doesn't appeal to you. I won't put you in the position of having to wait and worry and wonder. I know you love Sam. He's a good man. He'll be devoted to you and to Talia."
Her heart ached with what he didn't seem to be saying. "But you won't be devoted to me anymore."
"No, Jehnna. God, no, honey. That isn't what I'm saying. What I'm saying is I would be devoted to you if we stayed together. But I know you'd keep coming back to this conversation. And you'd wonder about it. You'd worry that I wasn't keeping my promises. You'd wait for the moment I slipped, even though I'd never do that to you. And I'd never make you live like that. Now that you know what I want... " Warren sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Do you think I want to just throw you to Sam and say I'm done with you? Do you think I want to give you up? I would fight Sinister and Apocalypse for you, if I had to. But that isn't what you want. Is it? You want Sam. And knowing that is tearing me up inside. Even if it doesn't look like it."
"I don't... I can put Sam aside, Warren. I don't want to hurt you." She was crying, fat tears slipping down her cheeks while her heart broke. Worse, Warren's eyes were red and watery. "I'm so confused and I don't know..."
"You do know, Jehnna. And its okay to make that choice. I promise you. We'll both be okay. And it isn't the end of our relationship. It'll just be a piece of paper that says you're single again. So you can marry Sam and be his wife."
God, why did the truth hurt so much? Jehnna wanted to deny his words. All of them. But she couldn't. And he knew it. He knew the truth same as she did. Warren leaned forward, his hands coming up to cup her cheeks once more. She let him pull her into the kiss, let him press his lips to hers. It was a promise and it was a good-bye. It was gentle and tender and all of those qualities about Warren she loved so much. It was over much too soon, because Warren pulled away from her.
And she felt her heart shatter. Just a little. Because there was a voice at the back of her head that said it wasn't Sam.
Before she realized it, Warren was opening the door to the suite. Sam, with Talia's carrier in one hand and a whole bunch of bags in the other, looked startled by the door opening on him. Warren flashed him a smile and put a hand on one shoulder.
"Take care of her for me, Sam."
Then he was gone and there was an angel-shaped hole in Jehnna's heart.
Chapter Twenty Eight: Honesty
Fandom: the Marvel universe
Rating: 18 and up
Warnings: graphic violence, language, sex, dark themes, anything else i can toss in.
Disclaimer: the recognizable characters and places contained herein are the property of Marvel. i'm merely borrowing for the sake of entertainment. no money is being made from this venture. Haley belongs to
dazzledfirestar Morgan belongs toginevra Roxxy belongs tonanaeanaven Jehnna belongs to silverfox_chan and Dare belongs to me. the concept and title of The Mary Sue Virus are used with permission from dazzledfirestar . Author's Notes: this is almost entirely Daz's fault. okay. so it really isn't. its actually almost 100% my fault. Daz just did a whole lot of encouraging. this fic is going to be kind of dark, so please keep that in mind while reading.
Among the Strong - the index
The knock on the door came precisely at two. Morgan was, and wasn't, surprised. It was the time she'd set. And Remy had never been known for being late to any kind of date. A ripple of uncertainty ran through her, leaving her to run a hand over her hair even though it was in a pony tail. It seemed to always be in her way if she left it down, so pony tails were the order of business until she had time to get it cut. Smoothing her hands down the thighs of her leggings, she took a breath and headed for the door.
Remy looked... uncertain when she swung the panel open for him. She thought that was understandable, given the way the week had been going. Making an effort to quell her own uncertainty, she stepped back from the door and held it wide for him. A hint of his normal smile touched his lips, then he crossed the threshold and waited only a few feet away while she closed the door and moved deeper into the living area.
They settled on the couch. Morgan took the corner, as had been her wont for as long as she could remember. Remy put a small, respectable distance between them. It looked as if it killed him to do so and she had to wonder just how bad things had been for him since coming back.
"You look good, petit." The softness of his voice, the sweet and gentle honesty in it, broke the uncomfortable silence between them. Morgan felt a faint touch of heat in her cheeks and the smile she gave him said far more than it needed to.
"Thanks, Rem," she said when she finally found her voice. She'd known that this conversation would be hard, but they hadn't even started it and she was already having difficulties. But it had to happen. So many things had changed and they needed to work out... whatever it was that was between them now before they could move forward. "And thank you for meeting with me. I know it seems out of the blue and all. But we need to talk."
"We do," he nodded in agreement.
She thought she heard something final in those two words. For a moment, fear took her as she imagined the conversation wandering into painful territory. Her heart ached at the idea that he might want to walk away from everything they'd built together over the past decade. Where would she be without Remy at her side? It already felt like she'd lost Dare and that was killing her. Losing Remy would be almost unbearable. Because, the truth was, she didn't know where anything stood with anyone at the moment.
"How you feel about Warren?" Remy asked, effectively throwing the heart of the matter out into the open.
When Morgan looked up at him, she could see that his face was a neutral mask. But that didn't hide the fear living behind it. That didn't keep her from seeing that he'd been just as worried about things as she was. It felt like the smile she gave him was bitter and maybe a little brittle. "I love him, Remy. And I'm so sorry. I didn't mean for it to happen."
"Dere no need to apologize, Morgan," he told her gently. Guilt painted every one of his words so thickly, it dripped from them. "It... " He shook his head and looked away, his gaze landing on a framed picture of the New York City skyline. It had seemed an odd choice, but Morgan found something comforting in the way it felt like looking out a window. "I owe you an apology, too."
Her heart siezed for a moment, but she pushed the panic down and reached out across the distance to put her hand on his. "You don't owe me anything, Remy. Especially not an apology. You couldn't control what happened anymore than I could."
His gaze came back to her face and she saw the conflict in his eyes. She understood what he felt he needed to apologize for. He felt he'd failed her a second time. He'd failed to protect her from the shit Sinister had done. And he'd failed to protect Dare from it. She shook her head. "Remy. There was nothing you could do for anyone that the horsemen took. You were a victim just like the rest of us."
For a moment, it looked as if he wanted to say something. But the moment passed and he offered a warm smile instead. "You comfortable here? You happy?"
Morgan considered her answer carefully. The questions seemed innocuous enough, but she could tell he was fishing. He was trying to figure out where they stood. She feared her answer wouldn't clear that up for him very much. "I am, Remy. Warren loves me. He loves Kayla. Its been... like a dream these past few days."
"I see," Remy said. Morgan couldn't feel anything coming off him and it worried her. He was usually so free with his emotions. The only time he'd ever pulled them inward was when he'd been in emotional turmoil. Which suggested her answer had hurt him more than he was willing to let on. She moved closer to him on the couch, lifting her hand from his so that she could bring it up to rest against his cheek.
"I am so sorry, Remy. I know you wish I could tell you that this was all an infatuation and that I wanted everything to go back to the way it had been. But I can't tell you its an infatuation. And I think you knew that before you walked through the door. I do want everything to go back to the way it was. But it can't. Because Warren and I have a baby and I have to take that into consideration, along with our feelings for one another. And you have a baby coming with Dare. You need to focus on that right now."
She saw some of the hope dim from his eyes. Her chest ached knowing she'd killed that hope. "So what about us? Dere still an us?" There was no inflection in his voice when he asked his questions. And hearing it made her want to cry.
"Remy. You silly, gorgeous, exasperating man. There is still an us and there always will be. We have children together. You've been an anchor in my life for so long now, I don't know if I could just let you walk away from me. No matter how I feel about Warren. You were the first man I fell in love with. The first one I trusted with my heart. That is never, ever going to change."
His smile returned, not quite as bright as it normally was. But it banished some of the sadness from his eyes. And she was glad to see it. "I love you, too, petit," he told her, his voice taking on some of the honeyed bourbon tones it normally held. It had been so long since she'd gotten to hear those words in that voice that she actually, physically shuddered just hearing it.
It was natural to lean into him, natural to exchange a kiss that was simple and sweet and chaste. But it was more. It was the heat that had always been between them. It was the promise he always managed to make when he kissed her. And it was a proclamation of his unending love for her. When the kiss ended, she found herself snuggled against his chest with his arms around her. "I missed this so much," she whispered. Some of the fear and sadness she'd felt all those months living under Sinister's thumb poured out in that short sentence. "I missed you. And every time Warren's touch brought sensation to life, there was a part of me that wanted to die because it felt like a betrayal to everything we've been."
"If you betray me, den I betray you," he said gently.
"Remy, honey," Morgan smiled up at him. "You couldn't have betrayed me. You were already in a relationship with Dare. And, if I'm being honest, I'm so glad he paired her off with you. If it had been anyone else... I don't know if she would have been okay."
"You don' understand, petit. I go an' fall in love wit' her." He sounded so mournful about it, she found herself holding back a grin. And then, when the look he gave her sank in, the need to grin fell away.
"But you've always loved her, Rem." It seemed stupid to point it out. But she had to. Because she had to believe it. To think anything else was asking for trouble.
"Oui. Just not de way she deserve," he replied. Morgan frowned and considered what he meant. But it was too much to think about and she didn't want to go down that rabbit hole. The past was done and gone and whatever he meant, that's where it belonged.
"Remy," Morgan sighed. She pulled back and put space between them. Much as she hated doing it, they needed the space if they were ever going to get through this conversation. "There is no one way to love someone. There's no way they deserve. There's just love. And there is so much love in you. So much. Its almost a living, breathing thing, that love of yours. And the need you have to give it is almost more than your desire to be loved. All that matters, and I do mean all, is that you love her. She deserves to be loved. That's all. Plain and simple. And you deserve to be loved, too."
For a moment, there was a potent silence between them. She wasn't sure what was going on in Remy's head, but she waited silently for him to say something. To do something. The moment passed and the smile he gave her this time was broad. Bright. Genuine. She watched as he sat back against the couch. His posture was loose and relaxed, letting her know she'd said the right thing to him.
She felt the tension slide out of her spine, letting her know she'd been more anxious about this meeting than she'd thought. She scooted back on the cushion until her back rested against the couch, then she turned slightly until she faced him. Her knees were bent so that the lower part of her legs rested on the cushion. His eyes were focused on her face, and she could see the warnth and the love in them.
"Dis a nice room," he commented, one hand motioning to the space around them.
"Thankt you," she replied. Her gaze slid around it, trying to see it the way he saw it. When she looked at him again, there might have been a touch of wistfulness in his eyes. She knew that Dare had holed up in Haley's old dorm room with the other woman, obviously intent on staying away from people. And it was obvious Remy wanted to move into that suite set up for them. Morgan wished she knew what kind of twisted shit was going through her best friend's head. Then again, she might know if she went and talked to her. She could admit that she'd kind of been avoiding doing that. She wasn't sure she was ready.
"Warren treat you good?" Remy asked softly, drawing her away from her thoughts. The look on his face suggested he'd done it on purpose. Probably she'd been wearing her thoughts on her face.
"He does. I had horrible muscle cramps through the whole pregnancy and Warren spent literal hours working them out," she told him. She took a moment to study his face, to let her mind wander down the link they shared, so that she could find out if their conversation bothered him or not. She found traces of what she thought were regret and jealousy. But they were small and not worth considering. For the most part, he seemed happy for her. "And, as I mentioned earlier, he dotes on both Kayla and I. He's a good father. He's a good man."
Remy took her words in, letting silence unspool between them. It made Morgan a little anxious because she didn't know how he was going to react. But she didn't push. There was a lot for all of them to work through. As much as she wanted to make this easier on him, she didn't want to lie because that would just make it worse. "He is a good man. And you lucky you end up paired wit' him."
There was honest sincerity in his voice and in his eyes when he spoke. Morgan felt that tension slide out of her again. Was it ever going to be easy to have a conversation with him again? Would there ever come a day when she wouldn't have to worry about what might upset him and she wouldn't have to police her words? Would things ever be close to the way they once had been?
"Dere no need to cry, petit," he said gently, one finger brushing her cheek in order to capture the tear that had escaped. The one she hadn't realized had fallen.
"You're a good man, too, Remy LeBeau," she whispered, her hand coming up to capture his. To hold it against her cheek so she could nuzzle into it. "I am so lucky to have gotten the opportunity to love you and I really, really hope you'll let me continue."
"Morgan." His voice made her name a caress. She pressed even closer to his hand. And then she was in his embrace, his arms holding her against his chest. "I'm lucky I get to love you an' I never gonna stop."
His words were a balm meant to soothe the roughened edges of her heart and her soul. She welcomed them, cherished them. Pressed against him as she was, she welcomed the warmth of his skin, the spicy scent of his cologne, and the aura of love that surrounded him. If only this could last forever...
"I don't know what the future holds. For either of us. Things have been twisted up so much that I don't know if we'll ever untangle them." Morgan pulled away and looked him in the eye. "But right now, I can't tell you if things between us will change any more than they have. I can't tell you what will happen with Warren. Because he has to talk to Jehnna and they need to figure things out between them. What I can tell you is we have kids together. We've built a life together that doesn't go away simply because Sinister tried to change the rules. I think the worst thing we can do is let the fucker win."
"You sayin' you still want dis old Cajun?" he asked, the humor she'd missed so much making a needed appearance. It felt like the sun had broken through the clouds to share its golden warmth with her.
"I will never stop wanting you, Remy," she confirmed. "However. You still have hurdles you have to get over."
"Dare," he responded. Her name came out on a sigh so full of confusion and concern that it banished the warmth brought to life by his teasing. Morgan nodded. She found herself reaching out through the link to see if she could sense something from her friend. Anything at all. But it was a dead end, a kind of dull buzz that said something waited on the other side. Something strong and intense. For a moment, Morgan wondered if she could break past the barrier. She even pushed on it with a mental finger to test its strength. Something pushed back. Hard. Something that felt very out of place. It almost left Morgan reeling.
"Yes. My stubborn idiot of a best friend who is doing her best to alienate everyone who cares about her," Morgan responded. There might have been more heat in her words than she'd intended because her statement made Remy smile. Just a little. "What do you want from her? From whatever the thing is between you two? And be honest with me. Please. I'm a big girl. I can take it." She tacked a smile on at the end to let him know she was okay with this.
Okay. So she was mostly okay with this.
To his credit, Remy didn't speak immediately. He took time to consider her question and how best to answer it. She waited patiently while he looked at it from every angle. She absolutely was not reluctant to hear his answer. Not in the slightest. And she was not, absolutely was not jealous of her best friend.
"I want her to let me back in. I want her to tell me what she got goin' on in dat head of hers," he started. Yeah. That was something Morgan definitely wanted. Probably Logan and Haley, too. But years of knowing the other woman suggested it would take an act of some god to get her to admit that much. "I want her to believe I love her,"
"She knows you love her," Morgan replied almost without thought.
"She know. But she don' believe me," he told her. Morgan puzzled over that. Briefly. Because Remy went on before she could dig too deeply into it. "I want her... I want her to understand that she not alone and we all love her. I want her to know she can rely on us. I just... want her."
The last of his statement came out on a whisper that held far more emotion than it had a right to. Morgan thought she understood. She had no doubt that Dare had done her level-best to protect herself while Sinister had held all of them. And the method she relied on most was to shut herself off from everyone. To shut down and let the expriences happen to her on the outside. It had been unhealthy when she'd been a scared teenager in a hotel room and it was unhealthy now, as an adult with loving family and friends around her.
"You love her that much?" Morgan asked gently.
"I do. An' I'm sorry `bout dat," he offered with a grimace. As if he'd done something wrong. Morgan reached out a hand and laid it on his arm.
"Remy. Sinister fucked with all of our minds. He locked us in a room with a single person. Its only logical that we would form strong emotional bonds with that person. Dare was your entire world for a year. You were hers. It would be worrying if there weren't strong emotional bonds present after that. Don't apologize to me for something that was very much out of your control and that is a very human reaction." She offered him a small smile. It held some humor and some worry. "Do you plan on leaving me for her?"
Christ, wasn't that a weird thing to say? Considering Morgan had been in a relationship with Dare longer than either of them had been in a relationship with the men in their lives. And she'd meant it to be a kind of joke. But she couldn't deny the fact that she'd had that worrying thought a time or two. Though how that worked when the three of them were in a relationship with Logan was beyond her.
"You know I don' leave you," he assured her. Hearing that left her feeling better.
"Then I don't know why you're apologizing for something that already was before any of this started," Morgan pointed out. "Or are you conveniently forgetting that the foursome has existed since almost the beginning."
"No," he replied. She saw something flit across his face, just a brief flash that came and went in the beat of her heart. Then he was looking at her and there was a touch of concern on his face. "We need to sit down and talk wit' Dare about de foursome. All of us. I get de impression she don' understand it fully."
Morgan frowned at that. "Are you sure? I thought she did. I could have sworn she knew that it meant she could go to you whenever she wanted."
"She come occasionally. But most of de time, she keep her distance," he admitted. There was a sense of disgust in his answer that made Morgan wonder just what had gone on between the two of them. When he looked at her, there was regret in his eyes. "An' I never de one to start an encounter."
"Remy..." That explained some of the issues he was having with Dare. If Remy hadn't initiated any of their encounters, Dare no doubt thought that meant he didn't really want her. Morgan frowned. She didn't recall Dare being this needy when they'd first met. It hadn't been until later, after she'd been on the streets, that it had seemed to be an issue. "I guess you're going to have to work hard from now on to convince her that you do want her."
"You t'ink she gon' talk to me long enough to do dat?" he asked. And it hurt to hear the sadness in his voice at that. It had to be killing him, not being with her when she was so close to giving birth. The birth of his daughter wasn't something he'd want to miss out on.
"I think you might need to tie her down and force her to talk to you," Morgan admitted. She knew it sounded extreme, but she also knew her best friend and couldn't think of any other method for him to try that would get him the results he so desperately wanted.
"Not so sure dat gon' work, petit," he admitted. "Last time I try to talk to her, she make it clear she want not'ing to do wit' me. She call me Gambit. She tell me she don' want me to call her pet names. She push me in de lake to make her point."
"Seriously?" Morgan asked, eyes wide with disbelief. That seemed so very much unlike Dare.
"Seriously," Remy confirmed with a nod. "She don' let me touch her at all. And dere dis wall. It keep me out an' it keep her in. I get not'ing from her. An' I used to get everyt'ing. I don't know which one is worse."
Morgan couldn't help but laugh at that. She totally understood. Being tied to the other woman had been a crash-course in learning how to shield herself from the worst of it. And there had been a lot of the worst of it. Dare's emotions had seemed to be on at all hours of the day. And things like anger and fear had always been stronger and more prevalent than the softer emotions. Things like love and friendship had been hard to find. Rare gems discovered in a mine overflowing with semi-precious stones. Morgan offered Remy a faint smile. "I'm the first one to admit that being around Dare can be a lot. I grew up with her memories in my head. And I know she has had issues since the beginning."
"Dat one hell of an understatement," Remy snorted in reply. Yeah. Morgan could admit that she'd put it pretty mildly.
"You're right. Of course. But I tihnk you're underestimating your importance to her. I mean, you gave her something I never could. She always felt like she didn't fit at the school and the only reason she ever stayed was because it was where I was. That night when you took her out to play pool, you gave her a kind of normalcy that she'd never had before. You made her think she had a place where she belonged. And I really think that was something she needed. And it meant more coming from you. She had such a crush on you back in those days and..."
"It no crush, Morgan," Remy interrupted. She blinked up at him. What was he saying? Of course it had been a crush. Sure, Dare had seemed really into Remy. And then she'd gone and done some weird shit and dropped Remy in favor of Logan. Morgan had always thought Dare had figured out that her feelings for Remy hadn't been as strong as they'd been for Logan. Because she'd settled in with him so easily. And it had been so good. What she'd felt for Remy had to have been a crush. Because if it hadn't, that meant Dare had walked away from Remy because... Surely Dare hadn't given Remy up because of Morgan?
"You have to be mistaken, Rem. Because, if you're not, that means Dare was in love with you when she walked away from the threesome that night." She turned eyes filled with confusion his way. He nodded at that. "But... I don't understand. Why?"
"She leave because she know you in love wit' me. And she don' stand in you way." He paused there, taking a moment to run his fingers through his hair. "She tell me, when we locked away, dat she don' deserve me. Dat I belong wit' you. Like she don' earn de right to be in a relationship wit' me. She tell me I'm bright and beautfiul and dat she used and tainted and she don' deserve to love me like she do."
Morgan stared at him. "That doesn't make any sense. I never... Her emotions didn't seem to run that deep. Why would she sabotage her own happiness?"
"Dat a good question, Morgan. Why she do it den? And why she do it now?"
Morgan shook her head. She sure as hell didn't know. Those were questions to which she had no answers. And if she didn't know something like this about the woman she called her best friend, what else didn't she know?
~*~
Jehnna was just wiping her sweaty palms on the leggings she wore when there was a knock at the door. Taking a breath, she spent a moment on ensuring her pony tail was neat, then she headed for the door to let Warren in. She knew it was Warren, because she'd asked him to come by for a talk. Sam had fully agreed that it was time for them to sit down and have a deep discussion about what it was they wanted from each other. To give them privacy, Sam had taken Talia out to visit with his team. Jehnna had no doubt that they'd return to the suite with a whole mess of gifts from Roberto, Dani, and the others.
The door opened to reveal a smiling, relaxed Warren. It looked as if he'd gotten his hair trimmed between now and when she'd seen him in the infirmary right after their return. His hair was still longer than she'd seen it and she had to admit, she kind of liked it. He wore a mint green polo and a pair of well-worn jeans that hugged his thighs. For a moment, her memory reminded her of how that particular pair of jeans clung to his ass. Then it went one step further and reminded her what he looked like out of them.
"Hi, Warren," she greeted. And hoped like hell he couldn't tell she was ogling him. "Come in."
"Thanks, Jehnna," he replied. He stepped through the door and past her, then waited for her to shut the panel behind him. When she moved deeper into the room, he followed after her. They gravitated toward the couch. Jehnna settled on one cushion, while Warren settled on the one beside her. It struck her that this was normal. This was how they'd always sat on the couch, with a comfortable distance between them.
Even now, with all that had happened, it felt... right.
"I want to thank you for coming. I know it seems like short notice," Jehnna began. She toyed idly with the edge of the t-shirt she wore, her fingers worrying the material while she struggled to find the right words.
"It wasn't a problem," Warren assured her. His tone was as serious as it ever got and it kind of sent a shiver of apprehension down Jehnna's spine. "I know you called me here because you felt we needed to talk. And you're right. We do. Its important. So let me start first and ask... How are you feeling, Jehnna?"
His question threw her for a loop. She hadn't really been expecting it. So it took her a moment to find her footing. And then she gave careful examination to his question because she knew he meant more than just the here and now. "I'm okay. I could be better. There's a whole lot of trauma in my head that I need to find a way to work through. And I just gave birth to a baby whose father is not my husband. So things are... weird. But I think, for the most part, I'm okay."
"Good," Warren smiled, and it was sunshine on a cloudy day. She loved his smile and allowed herself to bask in it for a moment. "I'm glad to hear that. Also, if you need help finding a therapist to speak with, I would be more than willing to do that."
"Really? You'd do that for me?" she asked. There must have been more surprise in her voice than she'd meant for there to be, because he gave her a look.
"Jehnna, honey. You've been with me for a decade. You know I'd do anything for you. The things that happened to us don't change that." He paused a moment as he studied her. The smile on his face maybe turned a little bitter. "I still love you, you know. I don't think I'll ever stop loving you. You are mother to my children. I will do anything I have to in order to ensure you're healthy and happy."
"Thank you, Warren," she responded. There might have been a touch of sorrow in her voice, but she did what she could to hide it behind a bright smile. How could he offer such things when she'd done the things she had? She didn't understand that.
"You're welcome," he replied. His gaze wandered over the room, taking in the furniture and the decorations, before it landed at last on the small cradle that rested on the floor near the couch. "How is Talia? I should have come and seen you before this, but I know that things were probably a little hectic right after she was born?"
"She's amazing. She's so quiet and sweet," Jehnna gushed. "Sam is wonderful with her. He's head over heels for her."
"As he should be," Warren responded. Jehnna recalled how goofy Warren had been when Alexia had been born. He'd been head over heels for her before she'd even opened her eyes the first time.
Jehnna took a moment to study Warren, to really look at him. He looked relaxed and at ease. Like he knew what he wanted in life and he knew how to get it. Then again, he'd always had that air to him. It was one of the things she loved so much about him. If this whole situation was eating at him, she couldn't tell. He didn't show even an ounce of it. "And you, Warren? How are you?"
He took the time to give his answer some thought. She waited silently for him to answer her and she couldn't help but wonder if he was searching for the answer he thought she wanted to hear or if he was going to be open and honest with her. She felt like he'd always been open and honest, but they'd never been in such a situation before. She couldn't shake the notion that he might tell a little white lie if he felt it would make things easier on her. And she wondered, for a moment, if maybe she wasn't a little sheltered to the way the world worked.
"I'm doing as well as can be expected. Like you, I could be better. There's trauma from our stay with Sinister. I think we all came away with some kind of trauma. But I also feel like what I experienced is on a different level than what you experienced. If things get to be too much for me, rest assured that I will see a therapist and talk it out."
Jehnna let go a breath she didn't know she'd been holding. "That's good. I'm glad. And I mean that, Warren. How are Morgan and Kayla? How is life with them going for you?"
"Kayla is small and tiny and sweet and perfect. Just like all of our children were when they were born." He grinned at that. She couldn't help but smile as the memories of the birth of each of their children came to her. Each and every time, Warren had gotten a little goofy. Each and every time, she'd fallen a little more in love with him. "How did Sam react when Talia came into the world?"
"The same. He got that goofy look and he just melted when I put her in his arms," Jehnna admitted. She'd thought it would hurt, admitting that Sam had done the same thing that Warren had done. And it did. Just a little. But mostly, there was a growing warmth in her heart. And she knew, more than ever, what it meant.
"So you're happy? With Talia and with Sam?" Warren asked gently.
"I am," she nodded. Her throat got a little tight. "I'm so sorry, Warren."
He offered her a smile and shook his head. "Don't be sorry, Jehnna. I don't want you to be sorry. I want you to be happy. If that isn't with me, then it isn't with me. I won't hold you back from anything you want. Ever.
She stared at him. How was he real? Not for the first time, she couldn't help but think that his alias was accurate in more ways than one. And she wondered how she'd gotten lucky enough to have him in her life.
Jehnna had no illusions about herself. She knew she was pretty but she'd never considered herself one of those unforgettable people. She was smart, but not genius levels of smart. She was mostly an average person. And she was okay with that. So it had seemed some kind of miracle that Warren had ever taken notice of her. It had been even more of a miracle that he'd fallen in love with her. Having his attention had made her feel special. Beautiful. Amazing.
She had no illusions as to who and what she was. She didn't make an immediate impact on people. Not like Haley, who was tall and stunning. Not like Roxxy, whose golden eyes and tanned skin brought every eye in the room her way. Even Morgan, who was petite and pert, drew attention toward her. Jehnna was just... Jehnna. So it had been kind of unreal that Warren had chosen to notice her. She'd been content to spend the rest of her life as his wife.
But now... Now there was Sam to consider. She'd gone and fallen in love with him. She'd had a child with him. She didn't understand it. There was a part of her that hated herself for her short-comings. And she had a hard time with the fact that Warren didn't seem to have a problem with it.
There was a lump in her throat when she brought her attention back to Warren. He was watching her intently, as if he could see her thoughts in her eyes. Maybe he could. Because the smile he offered her was slightly bittersweet. "So its Sam for you, huh?" he asked softly.
"I think so," she said slowly, turning the idea over in her head. Why did it seem so outrageous when he said it like that? Hadn't she already had that thought? Hadn't she been entertaining the very idea since she'd realized she was in love with Sam? Maybe she was upset. Shouldn't Warren have been trying hard to fight for their love? For their marriage? Because that was the thing they were really talking about, wasn't it? Their marriage and what happened to it. To them. "I feel awful, Warren. I made the oath to love and cherish you, `til death do we part. And I can't even do that right."
"Jehnna. Honey. You didn't stop loving me because of Sam. Your love shifted. That's all. And that's okay. It happens to married couples all the time. It happens to unmarried couples, too. You didn't fall out of love for me. If you had, this wouldn't be so hard for you." Warren reached out to take hold of her hands. He lifted them and pressed a kiss to them, one at a time. "I am always going to love you. I want you to know and to understand that. I'm never going to fall out of love with you. But sometimes, our needs change. Our hearts change. And there isn't anything wrong or bad about that. You are a wonderful wife. You're a beautiful woman. And you're an amazing mother. But that isn't all you are. You are a living, breathing human being. You have thoughts and feelings and needs. And if I can't be or aren't what you need anymore, I am not going to be an ogre and keep you tethered to my side out of misplaced pride or some kind of bullshit societal standing."
"Warren..."
"If you want to be with Sam, I'll step aside here and now. We can end our marriage without any fuss. You will always be a part of my life. You gave me four amazing children and you gave me your heart. There isn't anything more to be had between us. Will I be sad that things are ending and things are changing?" His hands let go of hers so that he could cup her cheeks in his hands. When he did so, she felt the wetness on them and realized with a start that she was crying. How had she not noticed? "Of course I will. Its going to hurt to end this amazing journey we've been on together. But it isn't the end of our story."
"I'm so confused, Warren. I don't want to let you go. But Sam makes me feel... " she trailed off and shook her head. "I don't know. What do you want?"
"I want you to be happy. Whatever that means for you," he said. He offered her a smile that didn't seem as bright as usual. "If that means Sam, then that means Sam. He obviously fills a need for you that I don't."
Jehnna put a hand on his cheek, eyes wide in alarm. "Don't say that! Don't ever say that!"
"Honey, you don't have to try and make me feel better. This whole mess has taught us things about ourselves. I know you're struggling to accept the fact that you can love two different men. I want to make that struggle easier," he offered. His gaze slid away a moment and she watched as he took a deep breath. When his blue eyes came back to her, she could see determination in them. He'd made a decision and he was going to share it with her. Jehnna sat back, settling her hands in her lap.
"Go on, Warren. Tell me what you want to say," she prodded gently.
"I love you, Jehnna. I will always love you. But Morgan has made me realize that I need things you can't give me. And I won't ever ask you to do things that you are uncomfortable with." His words gave her a moment of pause as she tried to decipher his meaning. But she was having a hard time following the thread of his thoughts.
"What can Morgan give you that I can't?" There was a catch in her voice that made him curse softly under his breath. He reached out and cupped her cheek, stroked his thumb across the upper curve gently.
"Polyamory," he said quietly.
Jehnna stared at him a moment before her eyes went wide. He was talking about having more partners. About sharing partners. About loving more than one person. Roxxy had told her that it was possible to love more than one person. Which was definitely a thing she hadn't known before this whole thing. But Jehnna wasn't sure she believed it. Or, rather, she wasn't sure if such a thing was something she could believe. That wasn't how she'd been brought up and it wasn't something she'd been taught was right. It had always been a couple. Just two people. Warren was right. That wasn't something she was capable of giving him.
She took a breath and swallowed hard before speaking. "And will that make you happy?" she asked quietly.
"I can't say for certain yet. I haven't had a chance to try. But I want to try. And I know that something like that doesn't appeal to you. I won't put you in the position of having to wait and worry and wonder. I know you love Sam. He's a good man. He'll be devoted to you and to Talia."
Her heart ached with what he didn't seem to be saying. "But you won't be devoted to me anymore."
"No, Jehnna. God, no, honey. That isn't what I'm saying. What I'm saying is I would be devoted to you if we stayed together. But I know you'd keep coming back to this conversation. And you'd wonder about it. You'd worry that I wasn't keeping my promises. You'd wait for the moment I slipped, even though I'd never do that to you. And I'd never make you live like that. Now that you know what I want... " Warren sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Do you think I want to just throw you to Sam and say I'm done with you? Do you think I want to give you up? I would fight Sinister and Apocalypse for you, if I had to. But that isn't what you want. Is it? You want Sam. And knowing that is tearing me up inside. Even if it doesn't look like it."
"I don't... I can put Sam aside, Warren. I don't want to hurt you." She was crying, fat tears slipping down her cheeks while her heart broke. Worse, Warren's eyes were red and watery. "I'm so confused and I don't know..."
"You do know, Jehnna. And its okay to make that choice. I promise you. We'll both be okay. And it isn't the end of our relationship. It'll just be a piece of paper that says you're single again. So you can marry Sam and be his wife."
God, why did the truth hurt so much? Jehnna wanted to deny his words. All of them. But she couldn't. And he knew it. He knew the truth same as she did. Warren leaned forward, his hands coming up to cup her cheeks once more. She let him pull her into the kiss, let him press his lips to hers. It was a promise and it was a good-bye. It was gentle and tender and all of those qualities about Warren she loved so much. It was over much too soon, because Warren pulled away from her.
And she felt her heart shatter. Just a little. Because there was a voice at the back of her head that said it wasn't Sam.
Before she realized it, Warren was opening the door to the suite. Sam, with Talia's carrier in one hand and a whole bunch of bags in the other, looked startled by the door opening on him. Warren flashed him a smile and put a hand on one shoulder.
"Take care of her for me, Sam."
Then he was gone and there was an angel-shaped hole in Jehnna's heart.
