nanaeanaven: Permanently Tired (Default)
Nanaea A. Naven ([personal profile] nanaeanaven) wrote in [community profile] marysuevirus 2008-01-12 05:54 pm (UTC)

This could be far more fun than she thought.

I'm glad I put off taking a shower to read this chapter, because otherwise I would have ending up needing another (cold) one. =^_^=

Loved the part about dirtying up the Gryffindor table instead, and, well, everything. I can see where it would be confusing to write, but I think you did a great job!

There are a couple other tense issues I noticed:

He slid his hand over her covered breasts and kissing(ed) softly down her neck to her collarbone, eliciting a moan in return.

All words seemed to fail her as she threw her head back and screamed, her body tensed and arching(ed) underneath him.

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